Tuesday Tips (for Twits) #74 | Fuck My Table

January 1, 2013 ? 7:09 am

Here?s a tip: We do not have replicators. Not yet, anyway.

Someone has to make your fucking food. That means that when I take your drink order, I must go make your fucking drinks. At Red Lobster, I take your food order and then have to go make your fucking complimentary salads. It takes a long fucking time if I do it correctly by using tongs or gloves. I could bring it quicker if I used my bare hands, but out of respect for you (and local health code) I do things the right way. So don?t fucking bitch at me when I come back with your salads that, ?it took a long time.?

No fucking shit, dumbasses. You dragged seven people into my section, wasted ten minutes trying to figure out what you wanted to order while simultaneously insisting you were ready to order. It takes a long fucking time to take your order, so I must quickly stop by my other tables and make sure they?re alright. Then I put in your order as quickly as fucking possible, because I want you out of my fucking section. I have to make your salads at lightning speed so that everything is timed correctly and you have time to finish your salads before your meal arrives.

Make no mistake; I am working my fucking ass off to make your shit and get it on your table. Don?t you?dare look at me and say, ?It took long enough.? The food doesn?t just fucking materialize in the kitchen window, ready to be brought to your table. A human being must put your food together. It takes some time. If you?ve waited 10 minutes for a salad, that?s a bit excessive. If you?ve waited 3 minutes, not so much. So shut the fuck up and appreciate the fact that someone else is making food for you to eat.

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Source: http://fuckmytable.wordpress.com/2013/01/01/tuesday-tips-for-twits-74/

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