Help! This reader needs some advice, especially from any of you who have been in a long distance relationship. (Loosely related: wouldn't a long distance relationship seem more romantic if we all traveled by train? See photo above.)
She writes:
I am currently in a long distance relationship with a Marine. We originally met when he was on leave and we were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. The night was awesome and we went on a second date the next night before he left. He is such a gentleman and I have never been able to connect with someone this way before. It's been three months now since we first met and we both have strong feelings for each other but know it's not the best time to start a relationship. He has three years left of active service and is stationed on the west coast. I will be graduating from college in the next year and starting a full time job in Michigan. We've talk about the logistics of only being able to see each other every few months but don't want to stop talking. But I have such strong feelings for him and I know we would be dating if we were in the same state, or even within driving distance of each other. Ultimately, I don't know if waiting for something to work out in the future is the right thing to do. I'm in too deep with my feelings for him to let things go but am afraid to move forward with things. Any advice??
Aww. It's so romantic and exciting that you guys have hit it off so strongly, but it?s definitely a huge bummer that you don?t exactly know where your relationship can go from here. I?ve never started a relationship with anyone who didn?t live in the same place. It sounds hard. But as you noted, it?s also hard to find someone you feel strongly about! If I really fell for someone I would at least want to try, and it sounds like that?s what you want too.
I think the key here is to relax, take things as they come, and be totally honest with yourselves and with each other about what you?re comfortable with. I?m a little confused as to whether you two have defined that you?re in a relationship or not, but since you say you ?would be? dating if you lived in the same state, I?m going to assume you haven?t actually decided to be a couple. If I were you, I would keep talking with him and see him the next time you have a chance, hopefully soon. Keep doing what you?ve been doing, which is to use this time to get to know each other--on the one hand, it stinks you can?t see each other in person, but on the other hand, it?s a great opportunity to spend a lot of time talking (and use video chat to see each other!) without getting distracted by physical stuff. It sounds like it's been going well so far, but it's hard to tell after only a few months and just two dates!
After the next time you guys see each other, if you?re both still feeling crazy about each other in person and on the phone (fingers crossed!), it?s probably time to have more serious talks about how you can make this work. That should help you feel less afraid of moving forward. You?ll need to talk about how often you?ll visit each other--and how you can afford it, what his plans are after his active duty ends, and what your long term plans for your career are. Obviously things won?t be set in stone and are subject to change, but if you firmly plan to stay in Michigan your whole life and he wants to live on the West Coast for years, it?s probably best to know that up front so you can decide if one of you will ever be willing to change. In the grand scheme of things, three years isn?t that long, but it?s probably going to feel like forever for a while. That?s why I wouldn?t want to waste my time if there wasn?t a clear path to being together at the end of it. But if there is, and if you guys can work through the distance together at whatever pace works for both of you, it could be totally worth it in the end.
Best of luck and we?ll all want to know how it works out for you!
Survivors of LDRs, help our reader out! Tell her what she and her guy should do! What worked for you in a long distance relationship? How do you get one started with someone you've just met?
More advice for your sitch:
*5 Things Nobody Tells You About Long-Distance Relationships
*Can Long-Distance Relationships Work? Here's a Genius Tip...
*5 Tips for Making a Long-Distance Relationship Work for You
Photo: Thinkstock
Source: http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2013/01/should-this-reader-move-forwar.html
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